Don’t drop the coverage!
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are debt-free except for our home, and we have about $100,000 in savings. Recently, one of our daughters was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. We’re worried about this, and the fact that she and her sister are both teenage drivers.
Do you think we should drop full coverage, and have just liability, since we’ll probably have lots of medical bills over the next few years?
– Kim
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Don’t sit so close to the TV. Get off the phone. No more games. Go outside and play! Our parents said these things to us, and now we find ourselves saying a new version of them to our own kids.
Our children have new challenges to face. This is the first generation to grow up truly immersed in an electronic, information rich, highly accessible world. We are putting electronic tablets, iPods, and cell phones in the hands of our kids, at home and in school, and then telling them not to use them. Mixed message? Of course.
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Each year, I make New Year’s resolutions. It’s a holiday ritual I wouldn’t think of skipping. Most years, including last year, the top resolution is to get in better shape. All too often, this resolution lasts about two weeks and then gets left by the wayside. There are a lot of reasons for this, especially unrealistic expectations. Failure doesn’t have to be a foregone conclusion. There are ways to succeed.
Unrealistic expectations are ones that rarely get met. While it may seem that they give us a higher target to shoot for, achieving a goal is much like climbing a ladder; one does not go from the bottom rung to the top, but takes it one rung at a time. Expecting much from ourselves does give us a chance to excel, but it also sets us up to be disappointed if we do not quickly meet those goals.
Resolve for small victories. When we achieve that victory, we set another small one. This succession of small victories might even push us beyond that original, seemingly unrealistic expectation that we wanted to reach.
Mississippi’s Obesity Problem
According to data released by the Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation in September 2014, Mississippi has a problem. It’s not a problem that we are just hearing about, but it is one that’s getting worse — the statewide obesity rate. Among adults, 35.1% of the population is considered obese, tying Mississippi with West Virginia for worst. Among 10 to 17-year-olds, the rate is 21.7%. Where is our good news here?
First, we can be grateful that our childhood obesity rate is less than our adult obesity rate. This suggests the possibility of improvement. Second, while the adult trend shows an increase in adult obesity, there has been a small drop in childhood obesity. We can take these positive trends and build on them.
We should work to take the slowly dropping childhood obesity rate and keep up the momentum in order to extend our success. While programs such as healthy lunches in schools and farm-to-table programs are invaluable, home must also be part of the equation. Otherwise, chance are that any efforts in this vein will fail. We need to develop and promote healthy habits in our children.
Establishing Healthy Habits — What We Eat
We all know ways to begin to do this. We cut out sugary drinks. We cut out a lot of sweets and salty snacks. We promote healthy snacks in their place; carrots, celery, apples, and nuts can take the place of candy bars, ice cream, and cookies. We have to have a realistic plan, however. In my own experience, as an adult, to say “I’m not going to drink soft drinks” is setting myself up for failure. On the other hand, saying that I’ll let myself occasionally have one takes away the taboo. And if I go for two weeks without one and then have one… I wonder why I drink the things in the first place.
We have to watch what we eat. That part is simple. As parents, we should pay attention to the various food guidelines currently out there; a good place to start is the healthy plate model espoused by the FDA in place of the food pyramid we learned in school. The guidelines are good, but we need not simply take them as untested fact. Instead, we should work to understand the science behind them as much as we can. It is important to understand that we’re not going to be able to get kids to eat all the foods we want them to eat. We should get them to try new things until we find healthy foods they decide they want to eat.
Healthy food doesn’t have to be boring. It can be fun. Tie healthy food into your child’s favorite food styles. If all your child will eat every night is grilled chicken nuggets, carrot sticks masquerading as french fries, green peas, and mashed potatoes, have no qualms about serving a healthy meal. If a child’s favorite food is pizza, make it at home with whole wheat crust and sneak some veggies in under the cheese. For sweet treats, go for fruits instead of cookies and candy. Every once in a while, it won’t hurt to allow something less than ideal as a treat and as a way to keep those foods from becoming taboo. Don’t use taboos. Instead use favorite food choices and make them healthy.
Establishing Healthy Habits — Physical Play
Especially important is exercise. For a child, this isn’t going to be going to the gym. Encourage them to get outside and play with friends and siblings. While this will be the primary avenue of play, don’t miss out on opportunities as a parent when they are presented. Throw a ball with them. Ride bikes together. If you live near a suitable place, take a nature walk and teach them a bit about the natural world around them at the same time. On the weekends, take time to make a day trip to a place where you can take a hike or go canoeing. Turn physical activity into something that’s fun — not an hour on a treadmill.
Establishing Healthy Habits — Avoiding the Body Image Trap
Don’t go overboard. The goal is to develop a healthy lifestyle and healthy body image in our children. We want to develop habits that they will stick with by choice, not something they do just because mom and dad say they must. Never equate healthy habits with physical appearance. The extreme opposite of obesity is not any better. Good, healthy habits are usually the result of trying to achieve and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Bad habits or being dangerously underweight are usually the result of trying to achieve and maintain an unhealthy body image. When we equate good health with perfect looks, we run the risk of promoting eating disorders and dangerous exercise habits. These are as much failures as being a couch potato and eating junk food.
Avoid telling children that they need to diet. Let the perspective be that you want them to be healthy and make good choices. If you focus on training them to make good choices instead of making the choices for them, they have a lesson for life.
There is one other thing. If we want to instill behaviors in our children, the best way we can do that is to model those behaviors. Maybe we can take a chunk out of that 35% of Mississippi adults who are obese in the process.
Justin Griffing is an author who has recently returned to Mississippi from Vermont.
In many ways, John is a normal kid. In fact, after spending just a few minutes with him, it becomes obvious that he is exceptionally bright. When you discover what a day in his life is like, you realize that he is dealing with everyday challenges on an entirely different level.
John is the only seven-year-old I know who does his own laundry, start to finish. He lives a life of structure that makes a parent’s draw drop. His interpretation of the world is in extreme literalism.
John’s challenge is autism.
Mom’s and Dad’s Story, in Mom’s Words
The Journey to John’s Diagnosis
We were newly married and parents within a year. We were so overjoyed with the new blessing in our life that we did not see the signs for what they were. In retrospect, the signs were there beginning at 10 months.
John was always smiling and happy or he was crying. He never napped. John would get in his jumpy and jump for hours, literally hours, and laugh. At the time, we thought it was cute. We learned later that this was due to his sensory issues. Motion kept him calm. Without language this was almost impossible to understand until later in the process.
John would take off running. He would not stop even if there was danger in front of him.
Our first instinct was to think he could not hear. We threw books and balls against the wall, screamed his name, and did everything we could to get his attention. We took him to get his hearing tested many times and it always checked out okay.
It was difficult to communicate because he had less than 15 words. We were not even sure he understood our questions.
Most children learn that if they cry, and they see their parents making formula and a bottle, that the outcome is being fed. John was not learning cause and effect. Taking John anywhere was almost impossible. He would scream and yell. Almost nothing would soothe him.
Any outing had to be with two people at all times. By now, we had discovered that the only thing that would calm John was looking at a screen or motion, or listening to music, which we would later discover to be a place of both comfort and obsession.
For John, it seemed to be a happy world at first, but soon it became very frustrating. John was alone.
The 18-Month Checkup
At age 18 months, I took him to his checkup. The doctor looked at him and said without a doubt he believed John to be autistic, which a neurologist would later confirm. He also said that John needed to visit a specialist for confirmation and start therapy, that early intervention was key.
Finally, we had a diagnosis.
The nurse told me there would not be an appointment to confirm the diagnosis for 12 months due to a lack of appointment availability in Mississippi. That was not acceptable. It was in that moment that somehow the entire thing turned. We were not going to listen or wait for results. We were going to make our own. We sought help out of state and, within a month, had an appointment, had a confirmed diagnosis, and were back in town with an early intervention plan of action.
We had to suppress all emotions as parents and be objective in order to give John a chance. Thick skin, planning, no negotiation, sacrifice, and a plan of action had to begin. Our approach was failure is not an option, no matter how many “out of the box” things we had to do.
Facing Autism
There are many theories on what causes autism.
How did he get it? Did we as parents do something?
We decided to not waste energy on the questions and just get to work. You cannot move forward if you are focusing on the “if.” The “if” will drain all energy.
There was a routine schedule, and nothing was going to get in the way. A therapist will give you three hours a week and suggestions to take home, but you have to do the work, and we did.
Life as we knew it came to a halt. All priorities changed. We managed finances, separate schedules, taking turns working nights, and taking only a few hours to nap. We made the time to work with John.
Friends, social outings, anything that got in the way of John had to stop unless time allowed. This lasted until he turned six.
Taking the Reins
This is our job as parents. We did early intervention. If we did not do everything we could by age six, we would not be fair to John. We knew he was inside there. We just had to find him and show him how to come out and communicate. We believed every day was precious, especially during the developing years.
We turned our house into a therapy center and had more stuff than any clinic. We were relentless eight hours a day. Speech was a huge issue.
I played the movie Annie over and over again, and he watched the kids move their mouths. Over time he began to sing the songs from the movie. He was parroting. We moved to the Bumblebee series and worked on simple words. He never had words of his own. He was just repeating. But it was a start.
We traveled out of state for assistance. We tried many schools that could not keep him and some that would not try. We commuted out of state for one year for therapy. We had social classes with other kids. We practiced daily activities. We spent endless hours going to the park to have appropriate play, going to stores, going to the library, and going to Chuck E. Cheese’s.
We could not go on outings, to restaurants, or have a play date without playing alongside to make sure we were in a position to handle any triggers. We were unable to ease his frustration or bring him into our world. That was the hardest.
We put together a team of family members, godparents, friends, teenagers, teachers, non-licensed therapists, licensed therapists, neighbors, employees, friends, and even involved kind strangers.
Without the people around us, John would not be where he is today. We met many caring people along the way. At facilities that were not set up to handle John at the time, we met people who helped us personally, literally for years after.
It took constant talking and never ever leaving John alone. Every day and every hour we worked until we reached him and he came out a little more.
Sensory Issues
Sensory issues were one of the toughest things to grasp. As a younger child, he would not feel pain like other children, so we always had to watch him. He would stand in an ant bed and not feel pain or cry. He had obsessions with objects to lick or put in his mouth.
Over time he learned to cry if he hurt himself (It was a learned behavior, not a reaction). Over time he was able to curb obsessive behaviors. John is amazing in his progress, and it is HIS progress. He does the work to overcome.
Language
He is literal. You have to watch how you say things because the words you use may not match your meaning, and can result in disaster. We learned the hard way, many times, that you have to keep your word, even if the interpretation was not intended; especially if it involves a treat or reward.
When John’s language finally came, it suddenly exploded and came without a filter. He would say anything that came to his mind. We did not know how to temper him or to teach him.
His memory and vocabulary were very large. He was good at taking words he heard and repeating them, but often he did not understand most of what he was saying. If you did not know any better, you would think everything was okay, when it wasn’t. To this day, this is still a challenge.
John struggles with understanding humor. He has to learn what makes a joke, and how to take a joke. Ironically, understanding jokes and “getting them” has become one of John’s favorite activities. It turns out John loves humor.
As parents of an autistic child you can never lose your sense of humor.
An Active Mind
John’s many ideas fill his mind like bouncing balls. These abundant thoughts coupled with external stimulation overwhelm him and distract him, which lead to issues at school, at home, and with friends.
Our Approach, and Progress
We are always diligent. We never let John be comfortable in a routine or obsession.
We did not soothe John even if we had to endure screaming for hours and acting out behaviors. Breaking obsessions is a painful process.
For years, John refused to get in a shower or bath. He would scream out of fear from sensory issues. We installed an above ground swimming pool and used it for a bath. We eventually transitioned to a Jacuzzi, and then, over time, to a bathtub and shower, which he now handles on his own. In fact, John now finds the pool story hilarious.
To keep John from getting too comfortable in a routine, we would move his room and belongings every day. Then it turned into once a week. Then we progressed to every time he had a meltdown. Now his favorite thing to do is to rearrange his room with Mommy. It has taken years to get him to understand, but now he is starting to want to move things, and even donate things to charities.
John loves video games. They are an easy escape and easily develop into an obsession. We have to be especially careful with them and only use them as special treats so that he does not disappear into the world of electronics.
Routine Communication
If John is asked a question outright, he will avoid, distract, or outwit most adults. He is very tricky, very smart. He can recite or memorize anything he hears and use it in the correct context, but it does not mean he understands what he is saying.
How did we get John to open up? We had to be creative. We discovered that John likes to have board (family) meetings and call everyone to attention. We let him be in charge. We give him a pointer and chalkboard. This way he shares his feelings and questions.
To help keep things running smoothly we continue to work daily with positive feedback. We play “download your brain” where John tells us all kind of random thoughts and feelings and we try to interpret them, which calms him. We identify and deal with all of the “bouncing balls” one by one until they disappear. We strive to make it fun. This is a good way to help him to handle the overwhelming nature of his very active mind.
We have to continually remind him that it is okay to make a mistake.
Moving Forward
There have always been moments when I wished my child was like all others, especially in the very beginning years.
We want John in a school that challenges him and accepts him without the special needs attached to his name. We want him to have a fighting chance. We prefer a school environment for the social aspect. If he cannot be part of a school setting, then he will be home schooled with many outside activities and exposure to all of the things he loves.
It has taken years of work. At one time, John was a child who could not play with other kids. Now he can. Now, in most situations, he is able to communicate. He puts in earplugs when he gets overwhelmed. When he was younger, there was no reaching him when he got overwhelmed and had a “meltdown.” Now he is focused on self-control. He uses learned techniques to help control his emotions.
Many expect John to be tested and assessed as gifted, but we do not want him to have the added pressure of social differences. He puts enough pressure on himself.
We expect John to be respectful, behave, not be given pity, and not be labeled. We expect him to stand tall, be proud, and take charge of his life wherever it leads him. We expect John to continue to work hard and learn to control his behaviors that are due to sensory problems, fear, and lack of knowing what to do or how to react in a situation. We will be there, as parents, to support him all the way.
Every Day a Blessing
Every day is a miracle and fun — the good days and the bad days. John is exceptional in many areas, but the one thing that matters is that he is amazing. His compassion and empathy for others, and desire to make sure everyone is treated well, is remarkable. He truly does not understand why anyone would be mean. He wants everyone to feel love and have fun. John has developed a heart that is not tarnished by outside influences. He is truly concerned about all people.
An Amazing Family
Says John’s mother, “It is hard work and demands tremendous dedication. It requires countless hours. We worked it out so that I could dedicate myself nearly full time to our goals.” Says John’s father, “If we had just taken what the doctors had said and given in to our situation, we would not be in the situation we are in today. The fact that we are in school and John is leading a mostly normal, although challenged, life is amazing. We do not rest. We work hard every day.”
Above all, both parents encourage other parents to do what they do naturally for their children — everything in their power to do.
Take Away
John’s parents are insistent that all parents cannot expect their results. They do not advocate their approach to others facing autism, and are even reluctant to share. They encourage parents to “assess their situation individually, do their research, and not be in denial of their circumstance. For it is difficult or impossible to help a child from a place of denial. Expect difficulties when dealing with insurance and finding resources. Don’t be unrealistic, but be positive! Don’t hang your hopes on the system. There are times when you have to make your own results. And, above all else, intervene immediately. Research shows that early intervention is key.”
Our lives are all made from different experiences, many of which must be experienced to be truly understood. Appreciating experiences from a distance is not at all the same. And, no matter how incredibly significant or impactful the experiences of others are, we are programmed to disassociate them from our daily awareness if they are not personal.
Compassion takes effort.
Facing challenges is part of living. The ability to take a bad situation and overcome it, and to do so in such a remarkable way as to see positives emerge, is one of the greatest gifts of living a life of free will.
Through their love, dedication, and pure tenacity, the entire family and John’s support team have helped John find the life he lives today. There are more challenges to come, many of them difficult and/or painful. All parents, children, and families face obstacles — some certainly greater than others.
Let those who face great challenges inspire us when we face great challenges of our own. Let them grant us perspective when our challenges are lesser. May we each be granted the wisdom to understand that the greatest challenge is also the reward — to appreciate the blessings we have been given and do everything in our power to make a difference.
Bryan Carter is an author, business owner, father, and husband. He lives in Ridgeland, Mississippi with his wife Shelley and two beloved children, Jack and Emma.
The Age Old Struggle
It seems all parents have repeated one of the most common parental complaints of all time: “I just cannot seem to get my child(ren) to read.” This struggle has been ongoing for generations. Modern parents struggle with competition from electronics and video games, but parents of every era dealt with new technologies that distracted children’s interest from reading.
The simple question — What can we do to help?
Experts tell us that there are many things we can do to help encourage our children to read. One common sense approach that any of us can use is helping our kids select books that they will actually enjoy reading, and then reading those books along with them.
Selections in Reading
Involving kids in the process of picking a good book to read is a great way to excite them about reading. As adults, we prefer to make our own decisions about how we spend our time, and kids are no different. Helping them choose good books gives them ownership in the process, and increases the chances that reading will actually happen and, importantly, be enjoyed.
When picking books out for our kids, or with our kids, the main question should be: “What will they like?” A lot of things can affect which books are attractive for specific kids, but some of the main things that we can keep in mind as parents are — age, gender, interests and related topics, and past books enjoyed. So, it is a fairly basic formula for success: pick out books related to things our kids are interested in and enjoy!
Any book that kids will pick up and read on their own is a good book for them. Some of us want to encourage a certain quality of book for our kids, and that is definitely a good thing, but just getting kids to read is the initial goal. Once our kids learn to enjoy books, then the question of “What is good?” can be addressed.
Shopping for books with your children also gives you an excellent opportunity to gain insight as a parent, give them ownership by letting them select their own books, and turn reading into a bonding experience. When you look through the shelves together, be attentive. Sometimes they will show interest in something that surprises us; this is always a great moment, as we learn about their growing fascinations, and they get to choose the type of books that attract their attention.
Co-Reading: Putting the Horse Back in Front of the Cart
The idea of co-reading is that parents read the same books that their children are asked to read.
When we read the books, several things happen. First, our kids see the importance of reading simply by the effort that we have put forth to be involved. Second, we can point out aspects of the text that will be of particular interest to our kids, giving them encouragement in their own reading. And third, perhaps most importantly, it gives us yet another experience we can share with our children.
A favorite tactic of mine, as a parent, when dealing with children who do not want to break away from a phone or computer to read, is to read their assigned book with them. I do not literally read over their shoulder, but I pick up the book and read it one evening. I can then use my knowledge of the book to encourage their own interest in the book through conversation and our shared experience of reading.
When I buy my kids a book for a holiday or birthday, I always make sure to read the book before giving it as a gift. This sometimes involves a good bit of work on my part (I had to read 11 books before Christmas this past year), but the effort is well worth the reward. Since my kids know I do this, they often cannot wait to get into the books and talk about them with me.
It is always a special moment for me, as a parent, to find myself in a genuinely engaging conversation with my kids about a book we have both read. Hearing their thoughts and excitement never fails to bring a smile to my face and a thrill to my heart.
If we take interest in helping our kids pick out books that they will enjoy, and help encourage them by doing the same reading we ask them to do, the benefit for their development and future will be significant.
Matthew E. Jackson is an author, an avid reader, and the father of 5 children, all active readers themselves. He also works in advertising, teaches humanities, and maintains a blog of book reviews.
Think back to when you were a kid. If you were like me, you loved to “experiment” on things. I can remember mixing water with varying amounts of dish soap and salt and then sticking it in my grandparents’ freezer to see how long it would take to freeze.
There is a natural curiosity in children that lends itself to scientific exploration, and this curiosity is at the core of the STEM disciplines (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics). These disciplines represent the cutting edge of human knowledge in the contemporary world and offer a vibrant future for our children. It is in the best interest of all to instill and foster this interest in our children.
Mississippi’s children have a lot of room to improve. Only 22% of fourth graders perform at or above proficiency in Math. Only 17% meet this level in science. While it is a dire statistic, it is also an opportunity to grow. This is a chance for growth for our state, but more importantly it is a chance for growth in our children. Even if they do not choose to pursue careers in STEM, their learning will instill a way of looking at the world that will enrich their lives.
Simple Ways to Encourage Curiosity and Enthusiasm
When children show curiosity, foster it. When they ask questions that so often start with ‘Why,’ instead of dodging it, answer. If you don’t know the answer, we have unprecedented access to scientific knowledge at our fingertips on the Internet. With our mobile devices, we have unprecedented access to the internet. Saying “Let’s find out together” is never a bad answer to a child.
Equally as important as curiosity is excitement. Oftentimes, when children first approach STEM, they do so with a wonder at the world that we, as adults, have typically lost. Sometimes, they will become excited about STEM without even realizing it. You can recognize it though. Encourage their enthusiasm, but do it sincerely. Children can usually tell if our support is given half-heartedly. Look for ways to convey your enthusiasm at encouraging their enthusiasm. When they talk about their interests, even if it is something you are familiar with, listen intently with undivided attention.
Practical Steps to Fostering Interest through Activities
Find activities that will help your children learn. Age-appropriate books and websites are always good, but there are a lot of hands-on activities that will even further encourage them to take up STEM learning. Going on a nature walk is a good start. Point out trees and animals or signs of animals. Talk about how weather happens. Tinkering with the car or lawn mower on a summer afternoon is a great opportunity to help your children learn how machines work.
The Mississippi Children’s Museum offers a wide variety of activities and exhibits to awaken an interest in STEM. The Museum of Natural Science is sure to grab a child’s attention if you do a little homework first and are prepared to talk about what’s there. When “toy” shopping, buy and encourage things like microscopes, chemistry sets, or electronics kits.
Kids spend an increasing amount of time on the electronics that now pervade our lives. Learn a bit about how these work and help them understand it at an age-appropriate level. This takes a game or other fun electronic activity and opens up a learning experience.
While all of these specific things are important, one of the most important things you can do is to encourage children’s curiosity and never cut it off. Encourage them to learn and experiment, even if the experiments don’t produce what they expect.
A large part of the scientific process is trying something and not getting the expected results. If they want to try something out that you know won’t work, let them try it anyways. When it doesn’t work, try to help them figure out reasons that it may not have worked.
In-State Opportunities as They Get Older
As your child gets older, encourage them to look at opportunities for STEM education. The Mississippi School for Mathematics and Science is a wonderful public school opportunity for students during their junior and senior years of high school.
Though it can be tempting to go out of state, Mississippians have excellent opportunities at the universities around the state. Mississippi State and the University of Mississippi both have outstanding engineering programs. The University of Southern Mississippi has a top-notch polymer science program. The University of Mississippi Medical Center, located in Jackson, is home to a number of historic medical advances.
Don’t let the current state of education in Mississippi be an excuse for our children losing ground in STEM. Instill, encourage, and foster interest in these disciplines. Take the time to go out of your way to perform activities with them. As to the kid who would freeze things in his grandparents’ freezer? He went to MSMS and still wonders about things like photosynthetic apparati in algae, whether P equals nP, and Fibonacci numbers.
Justin Griffing is an author who has recently returned to Mississippi from Vermont.
How many people squander their most precious resource, time, and don’t even realize it? People fill days with worry about unimportant things, or things on which they can have little to no impact. Worry filled days leave emptiness in their wake.
This is not a transcendental perspective on creating miracles in your life. There is absolute practicality in living positively through positive thinking.
Think of positive thinking as a practical approach to appreciating and making the most of what you already have, rather than having overly positive expectations of future outcomes.
Living Positively
Living positively is about choosing happiness by focusing on the positives in your life and your experiences. The focus is on the positive in any given situation. The attention is paid to what is there, not what is missing. A positive perspective takes what is good in a situation and moves that forward, without the negatives. Positive thinking is the key to living positively.
The proverb “be thankful for what you have” sums up the practice of living positively. Anyone who has trekked off to college and has lived on little and made the most of it, and experienced a truly happy life in the process, has demonstrated their ability to not focus on what is missing.
Living positively is definitely seeing the glass half full. If you don’t recognize the water in your glass, you simply go thirsty. Living positively makes use of that with which you are blessed and that which you have earned.
Choosing Happiness
To a great degree, happiness is a choice. There are powerfully negative events in life, such as death, sickness, loss, and pain, where sadness is the natural and appropriate emotional response. There are also powerfully positive events that illicit great joy. Births, marriages, graduations, birthdays, accomplishments. All are naturally positive. Most everything in between is up to interpretation by the individual having the experience.
Daily living takes place in that space between powerfully positive events and powerfully negative events, and it is one area over which we are able to have some dominion. It is also in this space that the majority of our time, and our lives, is spent. We choose, moment to moment, event to event, how we accept and interpret our lives. It is arguably this space in our lives that defines us more than any other, because it is shaped by us.
Those who allow their lives to be filled with unconstructive worry have much less room for time spent in enjoyment. Time spent dwelling on negative possibilities is too often at the expense of recognizing the good things in life. Those who choose to spend their time and focus appreciating what life has to offer them enjoy great returns.
While there is no choice in how we experience the powerfully positive and negative events in our lives, there is nothing but choice in that space in between. In that space is an opportunity to choose to shape our lives with positive thinking.
Positive Advantage
Research has shown that positive emotions increase levels of dopamine and serotonin in our brains. These chemicals not only make us feel good, they activate learning centers in our brains and allow us to perform at higher levels. We are able to think more quickly, perform more complex analytical tasks, solve problems more easily, be more inventive and creative, and retain and retrieve information more easily when these chemicals are present in higher levels.
In the book “The Happiness Advantage,” Shawn Achor subscribes to having a greater ratio of positive experience in our lives to increase overall happiness, where positive experience is any experience we accept as positive. Achor advocates using seven principles that use positive psychology. One of those principles is a simple exercise of reliving the day’s most positive experiences through remembering. This causes your mind to methodically re-embrace the day’s most positive experiences and increase the exposure and psychological impact of those positive experiences. Imagine what happens when the opposite occurs, and instead worry, aggravation, and grief are given extra time and attention.
Each night when I put my children to bed I ask them to recall their favorite three things from the day. This simple routine allows them to take a moment to focus on the good things that had an impact on them, while allowing me, as a parent, to share in their joys.
Choose Wisely
Recognizing, embracing, and exemplifying the positives is a 24/7 practice that teaches us how to live, and extends beyond us. It teaches our children how to live as individuals and as a family, and to live their lives in a way that is most worth living. You can choose positivity in your life’s greatest challenges, and even in what seem to be mundane challenges. The point is to choose living positively in your life by simply recognizing the best of what life offers.
If you practice positive living as a family, you will be able to teach your children the benefits by example. Through their learning, your children will open doors in their perspectives and in their lives. A single, small achievement in your child’s perspective can result in the first of a series of rich life lessons and experiences they have to look forward to in their own life journey.
We all have the free will to choose living positively, or to choose not to live positively.
Be thankful for what you have. Share your joy. Enjoy life. You only get one, and the way you experience your life influences the lives of those you love.
The book “The Happiness Advantage” (copyright 2010), by Shawn Achor, is based on the same content as the famed, research-based Happiness Course taught at Harvard.
Bryan Carter is an author, business owner, father, and husband. He lives in Ridgeland, Mississippi with his wife Shelley and two beloved children, Jack and Emma.