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Pillars of Strength

Special Needs Yield Exceptional Children and Families

In many ways, John is a normal kid. In fact, after spending just a few minutes with him, it becomes obvious that he is exceptionally bright. When you discover what a day in his life is like, you realize that he is dealing with everyday challenges on an entirely different level.

John is the only seven-year-old I know who does his own laundry, start to finish. He lives a life of structure that makes a parent’s draw drop. His interpretation of the world is in extreme literalism.

John’s challenge is autism.

Mom’s and Dad’s Story, in Mom’s Words

The Journey to John’s Diagnosis

We were newly married and parents within a year. We were so overjoyed with the new blessing in our life that we did not see the signs for what they were. In retrospect, the signs were there beginning at 10 months.

John was always smiling and happy or he was crying. He never napped. John would get in his jumpy and jump for hours, literally hours, and laugh. At the time, we thought it was cute. We learned later that this was due to his sensory issues. Motion kept him calm. Without language this was almost impossible to understand until later in the process.

John would take off running. He would not stop even if there was danger in front of him.

Our first instinct was to think he could not hear. We threw books and balls against the wall, screamed his name, and did everything we could to get his attention. We took him to get his hearing tested many times and it always checked out okay.

It was difficult to communicate because he had less than 15 words. We were not even sure he understood our questions.

Most children learn that if they cry, and they see their parents making formula and a bottle, that the outcome is being fed. John was not learning cause and effect. Taking John anywhere was almost impossible. He would scream and yell. Almost nothing would soothe him.

Any outing had to be with two people at all times. By now, we had discovered that the only thing that would calm John was looking at a screen or motion, or listening to music, which we would later discover to be a place of both comfort and obsession.

For John, it seemed to be a happy world at first, but soon it became very frustrating. John was alone.

The 18-Month Checkup

At age 18 months, I took him to his checkup. The doctor looked at him and said without a doubt he believed John to be autistic, which a neurologist would later confirm. He also said that John needed to visit a specialist for confirmation and start therapy, that early intervention was key.

Finally, we had a diagnosis.

The nurse told me there would not be an appointment to confirm the diagnosis for 12 months due to a lack of appointment availability in Mississippi. That was not acceptable. It was in that moment that somehow the entire thing turned. We were not going to listen or wait for results. We were going to make our own. We sought help out of state and, within a month, had an appointment, had a confirmed diagnosis, and were back in town with an early intervention plan of action.

We had to suppress all emotions as parents and be objective in order to give John a chance. Thick skin, planning, no negotiation, sacrifice, and a plan of action had to begin. Our approach was failure is not an option, no matter how many “out of the box” things we had to do.

Facing Autism

There are many theories on what causes autism.

How did he get it? Did we as parents do something?

We decided to not waste energy on the questions and just get to work. You cannot move forward if you are focusing on the “if.” The “if” will drain all energy.

There was a routine schedule, and nothing was going to get in the way. A therapist will give you three hours a week and suggestions to take home, but you have to do the work, and we did.

Life as we knew it came to a halt. All priorities changed. We managed finances, separate schedules, taking turns working nights, and taking only a few hours to nap. We made the time to work with John.

Friends, social outings, anything that got in the way of John had to stop unless time allowed. This lasted until he turned six.

Taking the Reins

This is our job as parents. We did early intervention. If we did not do everything we could by age six, we would not be fair to John. We knew he was inside there. We just had to find him and show him how to come out and communicate. We believed every day was precious, especially during the developing years.

We turned our house into a therapy center and had more stuff than any clinic. We were relentless eight hours a day. Speech was a huge issue.

I played the movie Annie over and over again, and he watched the kids move their mouths. Over time he began to sing the songs from the movie. He was parroting. We moved to the Bumblebee series and worked on simple words. He never had words of his own. He was just repeating. But it was a start.

We traveled out of state for assistance. We tried many schools that could not keep him and some that would not try. We commuted out of state for one year for therapy. We had social classes with other kids. We practiced daily activities. We spent endless hours going to the park to have appropriate play, going to stores, going to the library, and going to Chuck E. Cheese’s.

We could not go on outings, to restaurants, or have a play date without playing alongside to make sure we were in a position to handle any triggers. We were unable to ease his frustration or bring him into our world. That was the hardest.

We put together a team of family members, godparents, friends, teenagers, teachers, non-licensed therapists, licensed therapists, neighbors, employees, friends, and even involved kind strangers.

Without the people around us, John would not be where he is today. We met many caring people along the way. At facilities that were not set up to handle John at the time, we met people who helped us personally, literally for years after.

It took constant talking and never ever leaving John alone. Every day and every hour we worked until we reached him and he came out a little more.

Sensory Issues

Sensory issues were one of the toughest things to grasp. As a younger child, he would not feel pain like other children, so we always had to watch him. He would stand in an ant bed and not feel pain or cry. He had obsessions with objects to lick or put in his mouth.

Over time he learned to cry if he hurt himself (It was a learned behavior, not a reaction). Over time he was able to curb obsessive behaviors. John is amazing in his progress, and it is HIS progress. He does the work to overcome.

Language

He is literal. You have to watch how you say things because the words you use may not match your meaning, and can result in disaster. We learned the hard way, many times, that you have to keep your word, even if the interpretation was not intended; especially if it involves a treat or reward.

When John’s language finally came, it suddenly exploded and came without a filter. He would say anything that came to his mind. We did not know how to temper him or to teach him.

His memory and vocabulary were very large. He was good at taking words he heard and repeating them, but often he did not understand most of what he was saying. If you did not know any better, you would think everything was okay, when it wasn’t. To this day, this is still a challenge.

John struggles with understanding humor. He has to learn what makes a joke, and how to take a joke. Ironically, understanding jokes and “getting them” has become one of John’s favorite activities. It turns out John loves humor.

As parents of an autistic child you can never lose your sense of humor.

An Active Mind

John’s many ideas fill his mind like bouncing balls. These abundant thoughts coupled with external stimulation overwhelm him and distract him, which lead to issues at school, at home, and with friends.

Our Approach, and Progress

We are always diligent. We never let John be comfortable in a routine or obsession.

We did not soothe John even if we had to endure screaming for hours and acting out behaviors. Breaking obsessions is a painful process.

For years, John refused to get in a shower or bath. He would scream out of fear from sensory issues. We installed an above ground swimming pool and used it for a bath. We eventually transitioned to a Jacuzzi, and then, over time, to a bathtub and shower, which he now handles on his own. In fact, John now finds the pool story hilarious.

To keep John from getting too comfortable in a routine, we would move his room and belongings every day. Then it turned into once a week. Then we progressed to every time he had a meltdown. Now his favorite thing to do is to rearrange his room with Mommy. It has taken years to get him to understand, but now he is starting to want to move things, and even donate things to charities.

John loves video games. They are an easy escape and easily develop into an obsession. We have to be especially careful with them and only use them as special treats so that he does not disappear into the world of electronics.

Routine Communication

If John is asked a question outright, he will avoid, distract, or outwit most adults. He is very tricky, very smart. He can recite or memorize anything he hears and use it in the correct context, but it does not mean he understands what he is saying.

How did we get John to open up? We had to be creative. We discovered that John likes to have board (family) meetings and call everyone to attention. We let him be in charge. We give him a pointer and chalkboard. This way he shares his feelings and questions.

To help keep things running smoothly we continue to work daily with positive feedback. We play “download your brain” where John tells us all kind of random thoughts and feelings and we try to interpret them, which calms him. We identify and deal with all of the “bouncing balls” one by one until they disappear. We strive to make it fun. This is a good way to help him to handle the overwhelming nature of his very active mind.

We have to continually remind him that it is okay to make a mistake.

Moving Forward

There have always been moments when I wished my child was like all others, especially in the very beginning years.

We want John in a school that challenges him and accepts him without the special needs attached to his name. We want him to have a fighting chance. We prefer a school environment for the social aspect. If he cannot be part of a school setting, then he will be home schooled with many outside activities and exposure to all of the things he loves.

It has taken years of work. At one time, John was a child who could not play with other kids. Now he can. Now, in most situations, he is able to communicate. He puts in earplugs when he gets overwhelmed. When he was younger, there was no reaching him when he got overwhelmed and had a “meltdown.” Now he is focused on self-control. He uses learned techniques to help control his emotions.

Many expect John to be tested and assessed as gifted, but we do not want him to have the added pressure of social differences. He puts enough pressure on himself.

We expect John to be respectful, behave, not be given pity, and not be labeled. We expect him to stand tall, be proud, and take charge of his life wherever it leads him. We expect John to continue to work hard and learn to control his behaviors that are due to sensory problems, fear, and lack of knowing what to do or how to react in a situation. We will be there, as parents, to support him all the way.

Every Day a Blessing

Every day is a miracle and fun — the good days and the bad days. John is exceptional in many areas, but the one thing that matters is that he is amazing. His compassion and empathy for others, and desire to make sure everyone is treated well, is remarkable. He truly does not understand why anyone would be mean. He wants everyone to feel love and have fun. John has developed a heart that is not tarnished by outside influences. He is truly concerned about all people.

An Amazing Family

Says John’s mother, “It is hard work and demands tremendous dedication. It requires countless hours. We worked it out so that I could dedicate myself nearly full time to our goals.” Says John’s father, “If we had just taken what the doctors had said and given in to our situation, we would not be in the situation we are in today. The fact that we are in school and John is leading a mostly normal, although challenged, life is amazing. We do not rest. We work hard every day.”

Above all, both parents encourage other parents to do what they do naturally for their children — everything in their power to do.

Take Away

John’s parents are insistent that all parents cannot expect their results. They do not advocate their approach to others facing autism, and are even reluctant to share. They encourage parents to “assess their situation individually, do their research, and not be in denial of their circumstance. For it is difficult or impossible to help a child from a place of denial. Expect difficulties when dealing with insurance and finding resources. Don’t be unrealistic, but be positive! Don’t hang your hopes on the system. There are times when you have to make your own results. And, above all else, intervene immediately. Research shows that early intervention is key.”

Our lives are all made from different experiences, many of which must be experienced to be truly understood. Appreciating experiences from a distance is not at all the same. And, no matter how incredibly significant or impactful the experiences of others are, we are programmed to disassociate them from our daily awareness if they are not personal.

Compassion takes effort.

Facing challenges is part of living. The ability to take a bad situation and overcome it, and to do so in such a remarkable way as to see positives emerge, is one of the greatest gifts of living a life of free will.

Through their love, dedication, and pure tenacity, the entire family and John’s support team have helped John find the life he lives today. There are more challenges to come, many of them difficult and/or painful. All parents, children, and families face obstacles — some certainly greater than others.

Let those who face great challenges inspire us when we face great challenges of our own. Let them grant us perspective when our challenges are lesser. May we each be granted the wisdom to understand that the greatest challenge is also the reward — to appreciate the blessings we have been given and do everything in our power to make a difference.

Bryan Carter is an author, business owner, father, and husband. He lives in Ridgeland, Mississippi with his wife Shelley and two beloved children, Jack and Emma.

Posted in Articles, Winter 2015

Book Choices and Our Children

Encouraging Reading Through Selection and Co-Reading

The Age Old Struggle

It seems all parents have repeated one of the most common parental complaints of all time: “I just cannot seem to get my child(ren) to read.” This struggle has been ongoing for generations. Modern parents struggle with competition from electronics and video games, but parents of every era dealt with new technologies that distracted children’s interest from reading.

The simple question — What can we do to help?

Experts tell us that there are many things we can do to help encourage our children to read. One common sense approach that any of us can use is helping our kids select books that they will actually enjoy reading, and then reading those books along with them.

Selections in Reading

Involving kids in the process of picking a good book to read is a great way to excite them about reading. As adults, we prefer to make our own decisions about how we spend our time, and kids are no different. Helping them choose good books gives them ownership in the process, and increases the chances that reading will actually happen and, importantly, be enjoyed.

When picking books out for our kids, or with our kids, the main question should be: “What will they like?” A lot of things can affect which books are attractive for specific kids, but some of the main things that we can keep in mind as parents are — age, gender, interests and related topics, and past books enjoyed. So, it is a fairly basic formula for success: pick out books related to things our kids are interested in and enjoy!

Any book that kids will pick up and read on their own is a good book for them. Some of us want to encourage a certain quality of book for our kids, and that is definitely a good thing, but just getting kids to read is the initial goal. Once our kids learn to enjoy books, then the question of “What is good?” can be addressed.

Shopping for books with your children also gives you an excellent opportunity to gain insight as a parent, give them ownership by letting them select their own books, and turn reading into a bonding experience. When you look through the shelves together, be attentive. Sometimes they will show interest in something that surprises us; this is always a great moment, as we learn about their growing fascinations, and they get to choose the type of books that attract their attention.

Co-Reading: Putting the Horse Back in Front of the Cart

The idea of co-reading is that parents read the same books that their children are asked to read.

When we read the books, several things happen. First, our kids see the importance of reading simply by the effort that we have put forth to be involved. Second, we can point out aspects of the text that will be of particular interest to our kids, giving them encouragement in their own reading. And third, perhaps most importantly, it gives us yet another experience we can share with our children.

A favorite tactic of mine, as a parent, when dealing with children who do not want to break away from a phone or computer to read, is to read their assigned book with them. I do not literally read over their shoulder, but I pick up the book and read it one evening. I can then use my knowledge of the book to encourage their own interest in the book through conversation and our shared experience of reading.

When I buy my kids a book for a holiday or birthday, I always make sure to read the book before giving it as a gift. This sometimes involves a good bit of work on my part (I had to read 11 books before Christmas this past year), but the effort is well worth the reward. Since my kids know I do this, they often cannot wait to get into the books and talk about them with me.

It is always a special moment for me, as a parent, to find myself in a genuinely engaging conversation with my kids about a book we have both read. Hearing their thoughts and excitement never fails to bring a smile to my face and a thrill to my heart.

If we take interest in helping our kids pick out books that they will enjoy, and help encourage them by doing the same reading we ask them to do, the benefit for their development and future will be significant.

Matthew E. Jackson is an author, an avid reader, and the father of 5 children, all active readers themselves. He also works in advertising, teaches humanities, and maintains a blog of book reviews.

Posted in Articles, Winter 2015

STEMming the Tide

Empowering our children through Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathmatics

Think back to when you were a kid. If you were like me, you loved to “experiment” on things. I can remember mixing water with varying amounts of dish soap and salt and then sticking it in my grandparents’ freezer to see how long it would take to freeze.

There is a natural curiosity in children that lends itself to scientific exploration, and this curiosity is at the core of the STEM disciplines (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics). These disciplines represent the cutting edge of human knowledge in the contemporary world and offer a vibrant future for our children. It is in the best interest of all to instill and foster this interest in our children.

Mississippi’s children have a lot of room to improve. Only 22% of fourth graders perform at or above proficiency in Math. Only 17% meet this level in science. While it is a dire statistic, it is also an opportunity to grow. This is a chance for growth for our state, but more importantly it is a chance for growth in our children. Even if they do not choose to pursue careers in STEM, their learning will instill a way of looking at the world that will enrich their lives.

Simple Ways to Encourage Curiosity and Enthusiasm

When children show curiosity, foster it. When they ask questions that so often start with ‘Why,’ instead of dodging it, answer. If you don’t know the answer, we have unprecedented access to scientific knowledge at our fingertips on the Internet. With our mobile devices, we have unprecedented access to the internet. Saying “Let’s find out together” is never a bad answer to a child.

Equally as important as curiosity is excitement. Oftentimes, when children first approach STEM, they do so with a wonder at the world that we, as adults, have typically lost. Sometimes, they will become excited about STEM without even realizing it. You can recognize it though. Encourage their enthusiasm, but do it sincerely. Children can usually tell if our support is given half-heartedly. Look for ways to convey your enthusiasm at encouraging their enthusiasm. When they talk about their interests, even if it is something you are familiar with, listen intently with undivided attention.

Practical Steps to Fostering Interest through Activities

Find activities that will help your children learn. Age-appropriate books and websites are always good, but there are a lot of hands-on activities that will even further encourage them to take up STEM learning. Going on a nature walk is a good start. Point out trees and animals or signs of animals. Talk about how weather happens. Tinkering with the car or lawn mower on a summer afternoon is a great opportunity to help your children learn how machines work.

The Mississippi Children’s Museum offers a wide variety of activities and exhibits to awaken an interest in STEM. The Museum of Natural Science is sure to grab a child’s attention if you do a little homework first and are prepared to talk about what’s there. When “toy” shopping, buy and encourage things like microscopes, chemistry sets, or electronics kits.

Kids spend an increasing amount of time on the electronics that now pervade our lives. Learn a bit about how these work and help them understand it at an age-appropriate level. This takes a game or other fun electronic activity and opens up a learning experience.

While all of these specific things are important, one of the most important things you can do is to encourage children’s curiosity and never cut it off. Encourage them to learn and experiment, even if the experiments don’t produce what they expect.

A large part of the scientific process is trying something and not getting the expected results. If they want to try something out that you know won’t work, let them try it anyways. When it doesn’t work, try to help them figure out reasons that it may not have worked.

In-State Opportunities as They Get Older

As your child gets older, encourage them to look at opportunities for STEM education. The Mississippi School for Mathematics and Science is a wonderful public school opportunity for students during their junior and senior years of high school.
Though it can be tempting to go out of state, Mississippians have excellent opportunities at the universities around the state. Mississippi State and the University of Mississippi both have outstanding engineering programs. The University of Southern Mississippi has a top-notch polymer science program. The University of Mississippi Medical Center, located in Jackson, is home to a number of historic medical advances.

Don’t let the current state of education in Mississippi be an excuse for our children losing ground in STEM. Instill, encourage, and foster interest in these disciplines. Take the time to go out of your way to perform activities with them. As to the kid who would freeze things in his grandparents’ freezer? He went to MSMS and still wonders about things like photosynthetic apparati in algae, whether P equals nP, and Fibonacci numbers.

Justin Griffing is an author who has recently returned to Mississippi from Vermont.

Posted in Articles, Winter 2015

Living Practically Positive

Can You Get More Out of Life By Living Positive?

How many people squander their most precious resource, time, and don’t even realize it? People fill days with worry about unimportant things, or things on which they can have little to no impact. Worry filled days leave emptiness in their wake.

This is not a transcendental perspective on creating miracles in your life. There is absolute practicality in living positively through positive thinking.

Think of positive thinking as a practical approach to appreciating and making the most of what you already have, rather than having overly positive expectations of future outcomes.

Living Positively

Living positively is about choosing happiness by focusing on the positives in your life and your experiences. The focus is on the positive in any given situation. The attention is paid to what is there, not what is missing. A positive perspective takes what is good in a situation and moves that forward, without the negatives. Positive thinking is the key to living positively.

The proverb “be thankful for what you have” sums up the practice of living positively. Anyone who has trekked off to college and has lived on little and made the most of it, and experienced a truly happy life in the process, has demonstrated their ability to not focus on what is missing.

Living positively is definitely seeing the glass half full. If you don’t recognize the water in your glass, you simply go thirsty. Living positively makes use of that with which you are blessed and that which you have earned.

Choosing Happiness

To a great degree, happiness is a choice. There are powerfully negative events in life, such as death, sickness, loss, and pain, where sadness is the natural and appropriate emotional response. There are also powerfully positive events that illicit great joy. Births, marriages, graduations, birthdays, accomplishments. All are naturally positive. Most everything in between is up to interpretation by the individual having the experience.

Daily living takes place in that space between powerfully positive events and powerfully negative events, and it is one area over which we are able to have some dominion. It is also in this space that the majority of our time, and our lives, is spent. We choose, moment to moment, event to event, how we accept and interpret our lives. It is arguably this space in our lives that defines us more than any other, because it is shaped by us.

Those who allow their lives to be filled with unconstructive worry have much less room for time spent in enjoyment. Time spent dwelling on negative possibilities is too often at the expense of recognizing the good things in life. Those who choose to spend their time and focus appreciating what life has to offer them enjoy great returns.

While there is no choice in how we experience the powerfully positive and negative events in our lives, there is nothing but choice in that space in between. In that space is an opportunity to choose to shape our lives with positive thinking.

Positive Advantage

Research has shown that positive emotions increase levels of dopamine and serotonin in our brains. These chemicals not only make us feel good, they activate learning centers in our brains and allow us to perform at higher levels. We are able to think more quickly, perform more complex analytical tasks, solve problems more easily, be more inventive and creative, and retain and retrieve information more easily when these chemicals are present in higher levels.

In the book “The Happiness Advantage,” Shawn Achor subscribes to having a greater ratio of positive experience in our lives to increase overall happiness, where positive experience is any experience we accept as positive. Achor advocates using seven principles that use positive psychology. One of those principles is a simple exercise of reliving the day’s most positive experiences through remembering. This causes your mind to methodically re-embrace the day’s most positive experiences and increase the exposure and psychological impact of those positive experiences. Imagine what happens when the opposite occurs, and instead worry, aggravation, and grief are given extra time and attention.

Each night when I put my children to bed I ask them to recall their favorite three things from the day. This simple routine allows them to take a moment to focus on the good things that had an impact on them, while allowing me, as a parent, to share in their joys.

Choose Wisely

Recognizing, embracing, and exemplifying the positives is a 24/7 practice that teaches us how to live, and extends beyond us. It teaches our children how to live as individuals and as a family, and to live their lives in a way that is most worth living. You can choose positivity in your life’s greatest challenges, and even in what seem to be mundane challenges. The point is to choose living positively in your life by simply recognizing the best of what life offers.

If you practice positive living as a family, you will be able to teach your children the benefits by example. Through their learning, your children will open doors in their perspectives and in their lives. A single, small achievement in your child’s perspective can result in the first of a series of rich life lessons and experiences they have to look forward to in their own life journey.

We all have the free will to choose living positively, or to choose not to live positively.

Be thankful for what you have. Share your joy. Enjoy life. You only get one, and the way you experience your life influences the lives of those you love.

The book “The Happiness Advantage” (copyright 2010), by Shawn Achor, is based on the same content as the famed, research-based Happiness Course taught at Harvard.

Bryan Carter is an author, business owner, father, and husband. He lives in Ridgeland, Mississippi with his wife Shelley and two beloved children, Jack and Emma.

Posted in Articles, Winter 2015

Dave Says – Fall 2014

25%

Dear Dave,

You recommend that no more than 25 percent of your monthly income go toward a house payment. Does this figure include taxes and insurance too?

—Ryan

Dear Ryan,

Yes, it does. Your housing payment should not exceed 25 percent of your monthly take-home pay on a 15-year, fixed-rate mortgage. When it comes to buying a house, the goal is not to live in the Taj Mahal or have something so expensive you end up being “house poor.” When buying a home, especially for first-time homebuyers, you should look for something nice — in a decent area — that you can get paid off as quickly as possible.

It’s really not a big deal if you cheat a couple of percentage points one way or the other. But 25 percent is a good rule of thumb to ensure you’ll still have money left over to live on, save and invest!

—Dave

Be very kind and very grateful

Dear Dave,

My mom and dad took out a whole life insurance policy for me when I was born. The cash value is $2,500, and my husband and I want to cash it out and put the money toward paying off debt. We already have larger term life insurance policies in place, but I’m worried that doing this will offend my parents. What should I do?

—Laura

Dear Laura,

I think the real question is how many toxic things will you do because you’re afraid you might offend them. Whole life policies are financially toxic. They’re a bad product, and keeping it for no better reason than it might hurt their feelings a little bit isn’t much of a reason — especially when the alternative is paying down debt and getting your financial life in order. I know this is mom and dad we’re talking about, so you’ll have to be nice about everything. But at the same time, your parents have to realize it’s your life and you make the decisions. Try sitting down with them and gently explaining that while you appreciate and love them for their generosity, you’re going to cash it out and use it to get out of debt. Let them know you’re not wasting their gift, and that you’re using it to make a positive impact on your lives.

You’re not doing anything disrespectful, Laura. Just be very clear about the reason and loving with your explanation. Then, if they chose to become a little emotional or resentful, that’s on them. If they get really upset and want the money back, you can do that too. But getting your financial house in order is much more important than hanging on to a bad financial product you don’t need in the first place.

—Dave

Tithing and giving while getting out of debt

Dear Dave,

Do you recommend that people continue tithing and giving while getting out of debt?

—Sarah

Dear Sarah,

If you’re tithing, that would refer to you being a Christian or of the Jewish faith. To the best of my knowledge, those are the only two religions where tithing is taught as a part of the faith. The word literally means “a tenth,” as in a tenth of your income.

If you are an evangelical Christian, what does Scripture say? It says to take the tithe off the top before you do anything else. You keep doing it always, not from a legalistic perspective, but because it’s part of God’s instructions on the best way to live. It gives you a baseline for giving and generosity. Then, get yourself and your household cleaned up and in good financial shape before engaging in other acts of giving, which are called offerings.

This is the normal process that Scripture outlines. But remember, God is crazy about you and loves you very much. When you give, it’s the act of being unselfish and putting others first.

—Dave

Posted in Articles, Fall 2014

Organize the Holiday!


 A little preparation can reward you with more holiday downtime. 
   
What are your goals for the holiday?  Most people think about all of the activities -- shopping, eating, visiting, travelling -- but those are tasks.  What are your GOALS?  Some good ones to put on your list are relaxing, connecting, having dedicated time, de-stressing, and just plain having fun.
Organizing your holiday plans ahead of time will help ensure that you will be able to relax and enjoy all of the special moments with your family. More times than not, the holiday season brings unexpected stress because we fail to plan appropriately. 
Here are some easy steps and questions to get you prepared. You can fit each step into your current schedule by taking on as much as one task a day or as little as one task a week.

 

Make a Plan

Without a plan, how can we expect to accomplish all we need to get done?  Here are some great starter questions:

WILL I send out holiday cards this year?
HOW much will I spend? (Food, gifts, entertainment, etc.)
WHAT activities do I want to include in our holiday schedule? (Family events, sightseeing, church programs, sporting events, etc.)
WHAT will I cook or serve?
For WHOM am I buying?

You will save yourself a lot of trouble by answering these questions and prioritizing each task based on the time that it takes to complete and when it needs to be completed.  You may have more, but this can get you started.

 

Get Started on Your Card List

Can you honestly say you’ve never forgotten to send holiday cards? Or, they didn’t get sent until sometime in January? It is not an uncommon story; however, preparing to send out greeting cards is a time sensitive process and should be at the top of your to do list! The earlier you start, the better.

 

Start Shopping Early

The same goes for buying gifts for family and friends. If you start at the beginning of the year, you not only catch sales, you can avoid over-spending in a small time period. Put grocery shopping and food preparations at the bottom of your to-dos because they can wait until closer to each specific holiday. This type of planning alleviates the stress of last-minute tasks and overcrowded stores.

 

Prepare Your Home

Try organizing your plan around the following questions:

WHEN will I decorate?
WHO will be visiting and WHEN?
WHAT supplies and toiletries do I need to stock up on to prepare for visitors?
WHERE will I store and wrap gifts?
WHAT spaces can be decluttered to prepare for new gifts?

When it comes to preparing your home for the holidays, people often focus all their attention on decorating. However, it is important that your house not only appear presentable but be functional and prepared for entertaining extra people, sometimes on a moment’s notice.

 

Give Away and Organize
Consider decluttering and donating clothes, toys, and other items you no longer find useful to those less fortunate than you. Not only will it clear out space for incoming gifts, it can  potentially make someone else’s holiday extremely special. Organize everyday items in your home so that they are easy to access during the more chaotic times of the season. Remember, time saved is time earned.
 

Dedicate to Decorate
Once you feel your home begin to warm and relax from being cleaned and organized, set aside ONE or TWO days where the sole thing on your agenda is decorating your home. This will keep you from putting it off or spending too much time where it isn’t needed. Designate a place for gift storage and organized wrapping so that it is easy to access and out of plain sight.
You can follow the same plan when you take down your holiday decor.  Set aside one or two days to tackle the task and don’t worry about it until it is time to take care of it.

 

Less Stress.  More Fun.
While poor planning (or no planning) creates stress, proper planning helps you to accomplish more, save money, and be better organized. With a little proper planning, you can reduce your stress and be able to spend more relaxing time enjoying your family during the season. Get started today and Happy Holidays!
Diane Ryan is a professional organizer in the Jackson Metro area.



			
									
						Posted in Articles, Fall 2014



		
	


	    	

        						
							
						

		                
    
		
        
        	
			Accountable Living


			
				
 Teaching behaviors to help children be better financial stewards. 
   
When my wife and I married, a good friend gave us a book titled Smart Couples Finish Rich.  It was the sort of book that would catch one’s attention in the financial section of a bookstore.  After all, who doesn’t want to finish rich?  This wasn’t the first time I’d ever thought about financial management, surely.  In Scouting, I had to earn a merit badge that required setting up a personal budget.  My mother had taught me how to balance a checkbook.  The real question arose, however — how much did I know about financial management?
We are familiar with many of the basics of what one should teach their children — tying their shoes, not talking to strangers, calling 911 in an emergency, and a host of other obvious life skills.  Do we ever really think about what to teach children when it comes to money?  Quite often, our strategy is to teach our kids using allowances and encourage them to save up for what they want.  What do we really teach, though?

 



 

Financial Behavior
Selena Swartzfager of the Mississippi Council on Economic Education (MCEE) is quick to point out that “Financial management education isn’t just about knowledge, it’s also about behavior.”  Her words ring true.  It is easy enough to sit down and do the math to balance a checkbook or to set up a budget.  The reality, however, is that once we have done that, we have to have the discipline to follow through.  When we see, for example, that our budget for a given month only allows $60 for entertainment, we can’t expect that we will be going to the movies and getting drinks and popcorn every week of that month.
 

Mississippi
The unfortunate reality is that Mississippi comes in lowest on the vast majority of positive economic indicators and highest on the vast majority of negative ones.  It is easy to look at these and want to give up.   But there is hope.  We can improve our own accountable living and financial management and ensure that future generations do the same.
 

Educating Our Children
MCEE is working with schools across the state in order to bring financial management education to students.  Currently, programs are in place that make financial education part of the high school curriculum.  Financial programs are also being adopted by middle schools.  These programs help fill in a common gap in a child or teenager’s financial education.
School-based programs are not enough on their own.  They must be combined with lessons and best practices at home.  According to Swartzfager, a combined front makes all the difference. 
Here are some practical steps to get started:

First, Embrace an Economic Way of Thinking
Kids must embrace what Swartzfager refers to as “the economic way of thinking.”  Everything we do comes at a cost, which must be weighed against other factors.  These costs are not only monetary. They affect what we can do in the future.  If I spend $10 on lunch today, that is $10 subtracted from the amount available for other expenditures.
Second, Understand Income
To manage one’s finances, one must have finances to manage.  Kids need to develop income streams.  For children, those income streams are often in the form of allowances, neighborhood chores (such as babysitting or cutting grass), and financial gifts on special occasions.  Regardless of where the income originates, this is an opportunity to teach your children how to responsibly allocate income to spend, to invest, and to save.

It is also worth noting that part of financial responsibility is learning that you are not compensated for everything you do.  While allowances are typically set by parents with age in mind, there are some chores that are simply being part of a family and a community.
Third, Develop Checking Account Skills
From the time a child is able to perform basic addition and subtraction, it becomes possible to teach them about balancing a checkbook.  It doesn’t take an actual checking account or a checkbook register.  If the child receives an allowance or money from other sources, have them record this in a small notebook. Also, have them record the money they spend.  With addition and subtraction, they are able to keep up with their balances and occasionally check them by counting their actual money and comparing the amounts.  While you are teaching them this, let them see you balancing your accounts.
Fourth, Demonstrate Budgeting
As a child gets older, it becomes possible to teach them about budgeting.  While it is not necessary to share with them the entirety of household finances, it is important that they see the budgeting process.  Do  not merely show the mathematics of it, but explain how decisions are made.  Encourage your children to take their income and budget it according to categories that are important and necessary to them — spending, savings, tithing, etc.  There are a number of budgeting models available to use.  One of the most popular is the envelope system espoused by experts such as Dave Ramsey.
Fifth, Learn to Save
One of the greatest financial problems in modern American society is the tendency not to save.  Once a child is old enough, teach them to set aside a portion of any money they receive for savings.  This amount can be kept separately from the rest of their money.  It too should be tracked in the notebook register and compared once a month between register and the physical money kept.

It is important to model the behavior for your child.  Quite often, children respond better to modelling than to instruction.  Observation leads to questions.  Responding to childhood curiosity with age-appropriate answers is a great teaching tool in their journey to understanding financial management principles.

 



 

Emotional Buying
Understanding why we buy is fundamental to embodying an economic way of thinking.  We buy based on emotional decisions.  We “want.”
While many of our purchases go toward basic needs, the ways in which we fill those needs are generally based on emotion.   As an example, clothing is a basic need.  The clothing we choose to buy, however, is based on emotional influences such as wanting to fit in with peers or developing a style that makes us feel good.   Once we have made an emotional purchase, we find ways to justify that decision with practical features and benefits, such as “this goes with other items in my closet,” “my other needed replacing,” or “I really needed something this color.”
Understanding emotional buying and justification allows us to begin separating and balancing purchasing needs and emotional wants.  We can certainly make purchases for emotional reasons, but it is important that they are recognized for  what they are: “want” purchases.

 

Managing Debt
In addition to understanding emotional purchasing, and essential to any lessons in financial management, is the importance of an understanding of debt.
Easy access to credit proves tempting to practically everyone, even those without jobs.  Often times, when a young person is first able to get a credit card in college, they jump at the chance, and this can be the beginning of long-term, high-interest debt.
Debt represents an increased cost for whatever it is we are buying.  The money spent on interest does not add any value to the purchase; it just increases the price tag.
Across the board, debt is an increasing problem in our country; however, it is becoming extremely prevalent with students. Due to rising tuition costs and the core importance of a college education for most people entering the workforce, college students are graduating with significant financial burdens from college loans.  College loans combined with credit card debt can be crippling for an out-of-work new graduate seeking an entry-level job.
It is one thing to understand the knowledge of how debt works. It is another to experience it.  As parents, we need to teach our children to avoid having debt to manage, where possible, and help them understand the ways in which debt cripples income, limits economic freedom in the moment, and increases the cost without increasing value.

 

Lifelong Empowerment
As parents, we all want to empower our children and provide for them as best we can.  Early financial management education can give a young person the tools to approach financial management with confidence and knowledge that will open doors and opportunities for the rest of their lives.  As parents, mentors, and teachers, we may all learn something ourselves.
Justin Griffing is a former parish treasurer at Dormition of the Mother of God Greek Orthodox Church in Burlington, VT, and has recently returned to Mississippi.
							


			
									
						Posted in Articles, Fall 2014					
					
												
							

		


		
	


	    	

        						
							
						

		                
    
		
        
        	
			The Season of Giving


			
				 
Remember gift giving with heart
   
My mother had a simple rule at Christmastime when I was young.  We were allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve.
We’ve all dealt with the desire to open a gift, even one simple gift, early on Christmas Eve.  So she would let us.  The catch was that she got to pick the gift.  Without fail, it would be socks or underwear or some other piece of clothing.  Even now, as I look back, I don’t remember the gifts that I got on most of those Christmases.  I do smile as I remember the predictability of her answer every year as we asked the annual question, “Can I open a present early?”  For me, that is a memory of the holidays.

 

Consumerism
The idea that the holidays have given into consumerism by focusing on gift buying and receiving is one that we, as a nation, explore  annually.  It seems as though Christmas decorations appear earlier each year, and that advertising for holiday shopping begins a little earlier.  While the “traditional” start of the holiday shopping season has been Black Friday, recent  years have seen an increase of sales beginning on Thanksgiving night.  That means, not only are stores open for Christmas shopping on Thanksgiving (and promoting it), people are shopping on the day(s) when we traditionally spent the time at home with our families.
People question how to separate an increasingly consumerist spirit from the holidays.  Some go as far as to suggest ceasing gift giving or giving gifts only to charity.  Is this really the way to go?

 

Historically
From a religious perspective, gift-giving activities associated with the Christmas season can  be related back to the gifts of the Biblical magi given to the Christ child.  From a non-religious perspective, we can consider that the mutual giving of gifts in Indo-European society (from which our cultures are descended) cemented relationships.  For all who celebrate Christmas, whether religious or not, the holiday includes the celebration of family and relationships.  Whether our holiday celebrations are religious or not, we can find a reason for gift giving — be it in emulation of the magi or to further the bonds of love and friendship that exist between us and those around us.

 

The Trappings of Consumerism
If we continue to give gifts, how do we keep from sliding (or diving headfirst) into consumerism?  We can begin by reminding ourselves that even though gift giving is a component of the holidays, it is not the focus.  Gift giving needs to be recognized as a token of love or friendship among those with whom we celebrate the holidays, and should not be judged based on cost or amount.
When we begin to look forward to festivities with the thought of “What will I get for Christmas?”, we need to recognize that our focus is skewed.  There is messaging all around us that makes it is easy to attribute the “magic” of Christmas to presents.  When we accept this for ourselves, we willingly participate in a community absorbed in that message.  It is when we make that choice that we get caught up in the spirit of consumerism.  
Consumerism is never a goal.  It is a movement we get swept up in.  And it is easy to do.  The magic of gifts is in the giving, not the receiving.  Changing that spirit doesn’t begin with our community, but with ourselves.

 

Sharing the Magic
Christmas is magical for kids.  Undoubtedly, Santa Claus is one of the most magical aspects of Christmas for children.  He embodies the holiday spirit of giving.  Though it is difficult for children at early ages to understand giving, receiving from Santa Claus imparts to them an understanding of the joy of what it is to receive a gift.  This joy will later lead them to want to give so that they can help others experience that joy.  
When we ask our children, “What do you want for Christmas?” or have them create Christmas lists, we should also spend time educating them in the meaning of Christmas, and the meaning of gifts.  Gift giving is wonderful when done in the right spirit.  And it is the spirit of giving and thinking of others that matters, more than the actual gift.  
As parents, we share the world of hope and magic through our children’s eyes.  There are Christmas lists, being good for Santa, Christmas cookies and milk, the anticipation of presents under the tree, and learning about the birth of Jesus. Children’s innocence, joy, and pure anticipation of Christmas wonder make parents’ hearts grow three sizes each day.  
Santa Claus is magical and is a part of Christmas.  But the spirit of Christmas is something more.  For Christians, Santa Claus should not distract us from the religious aspect of the holiday, but his giving can teach children about the gift of God given at Christmas.

 

The Goal is Connection
As adults, the rules change.  “What do you want for Christmas?”  seems like a sensible question.  It provides some certainty that the gift we give is one that will be appreciated.  At the same time, it does emphasize the  “What will I get for Christmas?” aspect of consumerism.
Using gift giving as a way to get to know people better and to celebrate your bond with them takes gift giving in a much more positive direction. As a nation, we should remind ourselves that even though gift giving is an appropriate part of the season, it is not the focus, and it should be done with the right intention.
Also, as a reminder for the men, your wife may not be happy with you if you have to ask her what she wants.

 

Plan for Celebration
One way to naturally emphasize the non-consumer aspects in our holiday spirit is to schedule and participate in holiday events, both with family and friends, where gift giving is not part of the celebration.  It increases the amount of time we have to celebrate the holidays with those who matter to us without the thought or pressure of gifts.  
Memories are the greatest gifts that we take from the holidays.  The most cherished of them are built on the time that we spend with our families and friends in the merriment of the holiday season.  Even as adults, we remember the excitement of “Santa came!  Santa came!” but not necessarily what Santa brought.   The deepest essence of the holiday is the experience of Christmas, its magic, and those with whom we share it.
Holiday shopping with friends and loved ones, for friends and loved ones, is something to look forward to every year. Gifts, however, should not become the focal point; they should be only a part of the holiday package.  
We each have our own reasons for the season.  If we are going to be focused on one consuming behavior, let it be the consuming of favorite holiday dishes in the wonderful company of friends and family.

 

Justin Griffing is a former parish treasurer at Dormition of the Mother of God Greek Orthodox Church in Burlington, VT, and has recently returned to Mississippi.
							


			
									
						Posted in Articles, Fall 2014					
					
												
							

		


		
	


	    	

        						
							
						

		                
    
		
        
        	
			Merry Christmas


			
				

 

Frohe Weihnachten!

Buon Natale!

Hyvää Joulua!

Wesołych Świąt!

счастливого Рождества!
Christmas is Christmas no matter how far!
   
Dawn breaks on Christmas morning.  Children huddle excitedly in the hall. Mom and Dad are getting up slowly, enjoying their children’s overwhelming anticipation while struggling to get coffee. The family moves into the main room, with a tall, live, green Christmas tree covered with bright colored lights. The tree is surrounded by presents. Some are wrapped in bright paper, while others are placed in several stacks, still unwrapped. The wrapped presents are those from Mom and Dad and the family; the unwrapped ones have been brought by Santa Claus in the deep of the night. The next hour or more is spent unwrapping presents.  The air is filled with excitement and laughter — the joy of Christmas morning.
This scene, or one similar, is the archetypical American vision of Christmas morning.  We know it from stories, classic holiday movies, television, and our own Christmases. The family is gathered, the presents are opened, and later in the day everyone will feast on turkey and ham and myriads of side dishes. This is what most Americans envision when we hear “Christmas morning,” even if our own personal experiences might have differed somewhat.
Though Christmas came with settlers to the Americas from Europe, we might be surprised to learn how different the actual traditions concerning the Christmas season have developed  the world over.

 

Christmas Day
Christmas Day is pretty obvious – December 25th. Except that in some places, much of what we Americans associate with Christmas Day celebrations is done on other days! In Germany, for example, the big celebration day is December 24th. This is the day the children open their presents, carols are sung, and the traditional Christmas dinner is eaten. The celebrations then extend through the 25th and 26th as well, with extended family exchanging gifts, visiting, feasting, and children enjoying their new toys. 
Interestingly enough, quite a number of other countries have the main Christmas celebrations on the 24th, especially many places in Europe. Others vary the main celebration based on which cultural traditions a family prefers, such as Italians celebrating on either the 24th or 25th (though presents are still exchanged on the 25th). Christmas in Russia is celebrated on January 7th, which is December 25th according to the Julian calendar (the Julian calendar  was reformed in the West in 1582 to the Gregorian calendar, which we use in the US). Russian children look forward to December 6th just as much as Christmas, because in Russia, that is the day of St. Nicholas, and he brings them gifts and chocolates, instead of on Christmas Day. 

 

A Christmas Dinner
Christmas Day the world over features food as a central component. Traditional foods and large meals are common, though perhaps nowhere more so than in Poland. The traditional Christmas meal in Poland consists of 12 courses (in honor of the 12 Apostles), and includes such dishes as beet soup, carp (in multiple dishes), pierogi with sauerkraut, and cheesecake. The German Christmas dinner (served on the 24th) is typically simple, often potato salad and sausage. On the 25th, a more refined meal of goose, dumplings, and red cabbage is enjoyed, and everyone enjoys cookies and gingerbread throughout the holiday season. The Finnish enjoy mulled wine with their ham, lutefisk, reindeer, cheeses, and sweet bread. It’s fish (on the 24th) and chicken (on the 25th) for Italians, along with the world famous sweets pandoro and panettone. Of course, as with most things, each family interprets and adapts their national dishes, regardless of where in the world they may live.

 

Decorating for Celebration
We are used to an array of Christmas decorations in the US — the Christmas tree, blinking lights, nativity scenes, candles, holly leaves, and poinsettias. Whereas decorations go up as early as November in America, that is not the case around the world. In Germany, some children will not see their tree until it’s time to go and see the presents on the 24th. The Christkind (Christ-child) sets up the tree, decorates, and brings gifts, all behind closed doors on the days before December 24th. Finnish families bring in the tree together on the 24th, decorating it together with wooden ornaments, candles, and homemade decorations. Italian children are also familiar with the Christmas tree, but the central decoration in Italy is the presepe, which is a nativity scene often made simply of wood or fired clay. Though dates and specifics vary, it seems most everyone likes festive decorations while celebrating the holidays.

 

A Day In Focus
In America there is a yearly conversation on the true focus of the holiday — family, religious, personal, material. There is a saying in Italy: “Natale coni tuoi, Pasqua conchi vuio” (Christmas with your family, Easter with whom you want). This seems to encapsulate the attitude of many toward the Christmas holiday celebrations. It is a special time of year to be spent in the company of one’s family.
The most typical cycle worldwide is for the main Christmas feasting and present opening to take place with members of the immediate family, and for the days following to be spent visiting the extended family (and lots more eating). Most Western countries also have a large religious focus around Christmas, with services primarily being held on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. A great deal of energy (and money) go into present buying and food, but in the end, time with loved ones garners the greatest attention  and devotion from most.

 

Presents!
Our children’s favorite part of Christmas (and honestly, many adults as well) is the opening of gifts. American children are largely used to presents from both family and Santa Claus on the morning of the 25th. Not only are presents opened on other days in some places, they do not necessarily come from “Santa Claus.” In many European countries, like Germany and Poland, the presents are delivered to the children by the Christkind (Christ-child). Italian children will be visited by Babbo Natale (Father Christmas) or Gesù Bambino (Baby Jesus). The Finnish have a wonderful tradition where families actually bring in a Santa Claus to deliver presents. Usually played by a member of the family or a close friend, Santa enters through the front door on the 24th and asks “Are there kind children here?” After the children respond, the presents are passed out and Santa leaves. In older times the bringer of gifts was not even Santa, but rather the joulupukki (Christmas goat).

 

Other Christmas Traditions
In addition to those things we might consider ‘usual’ for Christmas, there are many traditions that various cultures hold dear. Almost universal is the singing of Christmas carols during the season’s celebrations. The Germans set up Christmas markets in every town during December, where people mingle and shop for both food and unique gifts. Christmas morning in Finland sometimes begins with a sauna, and the celebrations officially begin once the “Christmas Peace” is broadcast from the former capital of Turku. In Poland, there is a very specific celestial event that marks the beginning of the celebrations — the appearance of the first star in the night sky.

There are many, many other commemorations of the Christmas season around the world.  Learning about some of the traditions practiced by other cultures can help us understand others better and also appreciate our own unique celebrations.
We share a common bond as people celebrating Christmas, yet each doing it our own way, wherever we happen to live.
Merry Christmas to all, wherever your home may be!
The author expresses his great thanks and gratitude to those who agreed to be interviewed about their national and family Christmas traditions for this article: Kristina Koehler (Germany), Aino Kelle (Finland), Laura Castelli (Italy), and Emilie Mansfeld (Poland).

 

Matthew E. Jackson is the father of five, a writer, an adjunct professor of religion, philosophy, and humanities at Strayer University, and Director of Client Services at Think Webstore.
							


			
									
						Posted in Articles, Fall 2014					
					
												
							

		


		
	


	    	

        						
							
						

		                
    
		
        
        	
			Don’t Sideline My Child. Battling Dyslexia.


			
				
Particularly as school begins, many children are judged and misdiagnosed as being lazy or having behavioral issues when there may be a root cause.
   
The first semester of the school year can begin roughly for some families. Undiscovered, but not necessarily new, issues are brought to light as our children resume academic and social activities.  Common ailments such as hearing problems, visual issues, mental processing challenges, and even social issues are misdiagnosed or just missed, causing children and families heartache, pain, and academic setbacks.  
Unrecognized sensory and mental processing challenges almost always affect academic performance and result in building frustration for the child and parents.  Challenges are compounded as misdiagnosed or unrecognized problems almost always lead to secondary issues.  External factors like bullying can result in similar symptoms.  Even though children are without blame for God-given circumstances, they still face tremendous consequence. That these issues are out of our control only furthers our frustration.  
Unresolved frustration is a fast track to acting out.  Labeling can follow behavioral problems when a child acts out using anger, clowning, or violence. A butterfly effect of one event affecting another can happen as stigmas develop and become hard to shake.
If your child is experiencing uncharacteristic or new behavioral patterns, it is critical that you ascertain if there are any root causes that have gone undetected before accepting a diagnosis of behavioral issues.  Oftentimes children will not know to recognize these issues on their own and they may also be hesitant to discuss problems with their parents. This is especially true if they have been acting out in any way or feel like they have already been in trouble (and do not want to be in more trouble).
In this article we will explore the most common affront on reading abilities — dyslexia. Because it is often undetected and diagnosed late, your child may be experiencing dyslexia and you won’t even know it.  Just knowing the symptoms can be the key to helping your child.

 

Dyslexia
The most common learning disorder and reading disability is dyslexia.  The International Dyslexia Association defines dyslexia as a “language-based disability in which a person has trouble understanding words, sentences or paragraphs; both oral and written language are affected.”  Estimates vary, but it is often estimated that dyslexia affects between five and ten percent of the population.  Dyslexia can be inherited, developed, or the result of damage to the brain.  While there are many categories in the dyslexia spectrum, there are three proposed primary subtypes.  The subtypes are auditory, visual, and attentional.  

 

Auditory Dyslexia
Auditory dyslexia makes it difficult for the individual to process sounds of individual letters as well as groups of letters (and sounds).  It can be difficult to distinguish auditory dyslexia from other auditory processing disorders.  Auditory dyslexia can manifest in the symptom of listening problems for children.

 

Visual Dyslexia
Visual dyslexia is the most publicly recognized and commonly associated with dyslexia as a category.  With visual dyslexia, it can be difficult to tell a “d” from a “b” as the brain mirrors the visual and becomes confused.  Words, letters, and parts of letters can move, blur, merge, flow, displace, or disappear.  There have been studies that indicate that the font (typically sans serif fonts), or style of lettering, can improve the chances of an individual to correctly perceive letters and words.  Knowing left from right can also be a problem.  The visual stress is not just about a slower and more arduous process for reading.  It can also cause headaches, clenching of teeth, and mental fatigue and exhaustion.

 

Attentional Dyslexia
Many symptoms of attentional dyslexia are in common with attention deficit disorder (ADD) or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  Individuals with attentional dyslexia are able to identify letters correctly, but are challenged to be able to focus on more than a word or a letter at a time.  Letters may even migrate between words, changing the words themselves and the meaning of what is being read.
Individuals who are dealing with only one subtype of dyslexia are sometimes able to mask the condition.  The mind is sometimes able to compensate for dyslexic issues in such a way that no one knows they exist, including the person dealing with them.
Says Dr. Kenneth Cleveland, a surgeon in Jackson, Mississippi, whose daughter averted diagnosis for some time , “Our daughter was making good grades in school, but we knew it was difficult for her. We had her tested and although she tested positive in multiple areas for dyslexia, in the end she overcame it. This is known as compensated dyslexia. Since her diagnosis, the school has worked with us and now she is doing even better.”  
When mapped using MRI technology, the differences in a dyslexic brain can be observed.  Specialized therapy can bring about beneficial modifications in brain functions, which are observable using the same technology.
Dyslexia is not an indicator of intelligence.  It does present challenges with reading fluidity and comprehension.  When undiagnosed and untreated, those students challenged with dyslexia have to work much harder than their classmates and may still fall behind, regardless of their actual intelligence.  There are also ample opportunities to feel frustrated or inadequate as they compare their effort and performance to their peers’.

 

Seeing Signs
Signs of dyslexia that appear in early childhood include trouble remembering left and right, letter mirroring/reversal, delays in speech, and even being easily distracted by noises and sounds.  Many children with dyslexia also suffer from attention deficit disorder (ADD) or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), with the two conditions sharing symptoms.  As children mature to school age, other symptoms can be observed, including difficulty with rhyming words, recognizing syllables, and blending words.

 

Detecting Dyslexia
Dyslexia is primarily detected through screening programs in schools, and by parents who are aware of symptoms and proactive in testing their children.  Mandated testing in schools is one of the best strategies we have to catch the condition early in the greatest number of kids.  Many children are able to mask their dyslexia when their minds are able to compensate for the condition, and the child, parents, and teachers will likely not be aware that the condition exists.

 

Treating Dyslexia
The good news is that dyslexia is a condition that can be treated.  The brain can be “reprogrammed” so that the individual can read and overcome the challenges of dyslexia.  Early intervention is especially effective.  It is important to recognize that dyslexia cannot be practiced away through reading.  It requires specific therapy. Treatment for dyslexic children requires consistent training by a certified therapist.  There are therapies that can be accomplished individually or in groups.

 

Dyslexia in Mississippi
Mississippi State Senator Will Longwitz is a proponent of legislation to help save children from the effects of dyslexia.  Using early intervention and qualified therapists, Senator Longwitz believes we can have a significant impact on the lives of children, families, and ultimately our communities.
In Mississippi we have begun taking steps to detect dyslexia through screening in schools; however, it is not standardized.  Madison County is one such county in Mississippi that screens in their schools.  Unfortunately, screening for dyslexia does not guarantee treatment.  Parents are not necessarily notified of the results of the screens and also are not necessarily informed of next steps toward treatment.
Longwitz is in the process of developing and proposing legislation that will mandate intervention for dyslexic children by certified therapists in Mississippi.  It is being determined whether the role of certified therapists can be performed by existing teachers who are properly trained, or by certified individuals in dedicated roles.  Mississippi College, William Carey University, and the University of Southern Mississippi offer M.Ed. programs in dyslexia therapy.  Says Longwitz, “We estimate a need of one certified therapist for every 60 children diagnosed with dyslexia to provide 3-5 hours per week of multisensory therapy per child within our existing curriculum.”

 

A Message of Hope
Dyslexia can birth a dangerous set of circumstances that are avoidable.

Parents become desperate in the second half of kindergarten as their child struggles with reading and does not know why.  The child feels dumb, embarrassed, and discouraged.  The child may stop trying or act out to compensate.  Parents become exhausted.  Teachers become frustrated.
This condition can be impacted and often overcome.
In his research, Longwitz reports that within two academic years with therapy built into the curriculum, young children can be reading well.  It is easy to see how early intervention can have a tremendous impact on the lives of children.  Legislated action in Mississippi can ensure students are screened and kept on track early.  This will lead to higher academic performance and is expected to lower dropout rates.

 

Awareness and Action
Know the symptoms of dyslexia.  Check your child’s hearing and vision.  If there is any question at all, test your child.  Your child may be struggling and not telling you.  Early intervention can make all the difference in your child’s life. 

 

Parents
Never accept acting out or laziness as a diagnosis without digging deeper. Your child may actually be a victim of something greater.  Behavioral issues may be symptoms of a root cause, such as dyslexia, a physical impairment, another mental processing condition, or a social issue that is in need of immediate attention. If so, you have a child who is desperately in need of your help and support. 

 

Bryan Carter is an author, business owner, father, and husband.  He lives in Ridgeland, Mississippi with his wife Shelley and two beloved children, Jack and Emma.
							


			
									
						Posted in Articles, Fall 2014					
					
												
							

		


		
	

				
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